Valerie and Yvonne are my two good friends during my secondary school years. The three of us used to hang out together every day in school and even after school hours. However, a major conflict broke out between them about a month ago, due to their clashing characters.
Valerie is outgoing and very friendly. She was the popular one in the class, constantly surrounded by a group of friends. Although she could be quite tactless at times, people still liked her for her bubbly character.
On the other hand, Yvonne is more of an introvert and gets emotional rather easily. She can also be overly sensitive to comments from her peers.
At the class gathering last month, Yvonne started saying very sarcastic things to Valerie, such as “yeah, you are the most popular one”, and criticized Valerie in every way. Valerie was puzzled by Yvonne's behavior and attitude towards her so she approached Yvonne for clarification. Yvonne started lashing out all the grudges she bore towards Valerie. She said that Valerie was insensitive and wanted Valerie to know how she felt all these years by being sarcastic to her. She was also unhappy that Valerie nicknamed her “auntie”. She felt that Valerie is always making fun of her and embarrassing her.
Valerie, being both hurt and angry over Yvonne’s ridiculous comments, has not been talking to her since then.
There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding between the girls. What can I do to help salvage this wonderful friendship that we used to share?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Happy Lunar New Year!!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Xiujun,
ReplyDeleteThe interpersonal conflict that you described above happens more often than not. I do feel for you as I have been through your plight as well. Perhaps it would be good if you can meet both of them individually and provide a good pair of listening ears for them. This may help to allay their anger and ill feelings over each other. By addressing their concerns, I guess it helps a lot in knowing the source of the problem too. Through this, it may also allow them to reflect upon their words as they confide in you. Since Yvonne is more sensitive, she may have mistaken Valerie’s words as nasty remarks even when Valerie meant that as a joke. However, I think that it is also crucial for Valerie to apologise to Yvonne for her callous and insensitive remarks. With one “giving in”, I guess Yvonne will be gracious enough to let the matter rest. Hope my suggestions help.
Regards,
Wei Tian
hello xiujun!
ReplyDeleteLike Wei Tian mentioned, the situation that you described is quite common. I believe that when you are in a very close relationship with someone for a very long time, it is easy to just make fun of each other without fear of hurting their feelings. This is because you are comfortable with each other and assume that they know you are just joking and do not mean any harm.
However, sometimes the other party takes it personally, especially if she is always the butt of the jokes, like Yvonne in this case. Moreover, you mentioned that Yvonne can be overly sensitive. I suspect that Yvonne's outburst could be the result of her having a bad day and the remarks from Valerie pushed her to boiling point.
As a friend to both parties, I agree with Wei Tian that you should talk to each of them individually first. You should talk with Yvonne and find out what caused her to react that way and assure her that Valerie does not meant to hurt her. As for Valerie, try to advise her to make the first move to apologise since she is more likely to do that compared to Yvonne who is the introvert. Yvonne would probably be more embarrassed about her outburst and in turn apologise after Valerie made the first move. It is also important for you to advise Valerie to be more mindful of her comments on Yvonne next time.
After that you can all be friends again and live happily ever after!
regards,
reza
Heyo Xiujun!
ReplyDeleteI can understand your plight and how it feels like to be stuck in the middle having to be the one being the mediator.
I share similar sentiments with Wei Tian and Reza that you should talk to both of them separately and listen to their viewpoints before deciding what to do. In my opinion, after the issue is apparent, Valerie should apologise to Yvonne first for her tactless remarks and be more discreet when talking to her in future. On the other hand, maybe you could advise Yvonne to be more forgiving towards Valerie as the latter was just joking and meant no harm. With a little give and take i'm sure the friendship can be salvaged.
And so I hope after these suggestions you three can be musketeers again! :)
Best wishes, Collen
Hi Xiujun,
ReplyDeleteI certainly agree with you on your observation of the letter’s 7Cs, especially the fact that it started off poorly by addressing you as “Dear policyholder”. This, in my opinion, makes the reader feel like she is just merely another one of those policyholders who defaulted on their monthly payment. Also, to avoid sounding like a debt collector, NTUC Income could take a leaf out of Starhub’s book in terms of courtesy. Starhub deals with default payments by showing that they “understand that, due to the subscriber’s busy schedule”, it slipped their mind to make payments for the month. By saying this, Starhub shows that they understand their customers and at the same time avoid sounding harsh.
Apart from this fact, the letter displays concreteness by providing all necessary facts like the customer’s policy number as well as a website and phone number if any assistance is required.
Regards,
Hanrong